My book (actually, two books, one about psychology, and one with stories and lyrics) is close to being finished, my demo album 'Sleepwalking' is ready to rock, and I'm working on a new album as we speak.
SO, here are the lyrics to the album 'Sleepwalking', along with some additional lyrics that are very close to me: Leonardo Lestat – Sleepwalking (2009)
01. Little Fantasy 02. No Way Out (Phil Collins cover) 03. Naked 04. One More Time 05. Tell Me 06. Feeding the Fire (Genesis cover) 07. Instrumental - 24-06-02 ('radio' edit) 08. Where's the Love We Had 09. I Caused Some Damage (Demo Version) 10. Instrumental - Crystal 11. It's Gonna Get Better 12. Written in the Stars (Elton John cover) 13. He Just Cries 14. Instrumental - Sleep (Watch the Clock) 15. A Young Child With Fire (Michael Jackson Tribute) 16. Time 17. Instrumental - Winter Breeze 18. Sleepwalking 19. Instrumental - Love that Lived On - Tonight 20. Instrumental - rEb3QuE 21. Instrumental - 07-06-03 22. It's Over (Phil Collins cover)
Hold On (for Yvette)
There were times I was down There were times you weren't there But tonight we were together, with the golden feeling Of holding on to each other
I was thinking about you yesterday I wish you were there before Now you're here, and I'll always think about you and these times..
I hope we will hold on to these feelings I hope we will become what we dream of.. And think about these times, we're letting the world know we love each other Hold on, hold on.. to these feelings
The picture that holds this memory I keep it so close to my heart To think of the feelings, I cherish so deeply
01. Little Fantasy 07-10-2002
Hello there, little baby Do you feel warm and light? And do you miss me, When I'm not at your side?
And do you miss me, deep at night? When I'm not there, to calm your eyes.
Hello there, little fantasy so lifely, eyes like a dwarf daisy. Looking at mine, between our hearts just a fine line.
Hello there, little dreamer Painting dreams with, you in my arms. Singing words that, you understand.
And when you'll miss me, deep at night. I'll be there, in your eyes.
And when you'll miss me, By your side. I'll be there, painting the skies of your dreams.
03. Naked 27-10-2002
Look at me, tell me what you see. Look at you, then listen to your heart.
I'm here for you, but always play it clean. And when you listen to me, what do you hear?
I'm naked for your eyes, naked for your soul. I'm naked for this moment, naked forever more.
(Instrumental verse)
Bridge: Blood stains on my hands that shiver doubt drifts on the mouths of indiffer. Lonely I sit in the cave of hope, Thinking of you it helps me to cope.
(Chorus)
Hear my words, I'd cry for you. Hear my sins, but I'd die for you.
04. Just One More Time (for MiMi) March/April 2002
Memories shooting through my mind, softly whispering to my soul. That she will leave me behind, and will turn passion into tears.
I thought this would last forever That was just a dream You never touched me as softly as you are I'll never forget your passionate eyes..
Hold me one more time, Just one more time To say goodbye, cause it's time, you know it To hold me one more time Look at me one more time Kiss me one more time
Kiss me forever, don't let go..
05. Tell Me -written by Ronny Schouten & Wim Koning-
I can't make up my mind about which way to go i could leave today or just take it slow
does it matter to you do you even care if i was in need would you still be there
Tell me What would you do? Tell me What would you say, If I'd leave today.
This is my sorrow. You have never shown, Your love for me, I have never known.
This battle inside me, keeps on raging. My feelings uncontrollable, My loneliness slowly aging.
(Instrumental)
Bridge: The dreams that I have, are nothing compared to the fears that I grow. Oh I still feel you touch my skin, Everyday alone is like a sin.
Tell me What would you do? Tell me What would you say, If I'd leave today.
(Repeat chorus instrumental)
Are you listening, are you there? All these memories, it's just too much to bear.
08. Where's The Love We Had 15-07-2003
I remember how, you used to look at me. How I looked at you, when we first kissed.
I remember when, we talked until dawn. Now all I can do, is talk in my sleep.
Where's the love we had? Where's the truth we shared? Where's the peace we found, In each other's eyes?
Some have many lives, I need just one to share with you. Love is gonna part, Seperate lives is making it hard.
09. I Caused Some Damage (for Emma) 10-07-2006
There's a shallow sea I dug, For you and me. This watered pit's too damaged, For you and me.
This road's no longer for walking, It sunk too deep to see the sun. I can't walk backwards and rewind time, Still I want to go where we begun.
I caused some damage that I can't fix The glass ball that was our world yesterday, Lays in pieces today and the glue won't stick And still I wonder why you can't stay.
There's a dried up sea I dug For you and me. This crusted pit's too lonely For you and me.
So we sail away On bare feet into the gray. Still I wonder about staying here alone, Cause this place's no good for drowning anyway.
We started this dreamworld Not to see it crumble and curl. There's a distance between our bodies, Because it did.
I caused some damage that I can't fix The glass ball that was our world yesterday, Lays in pieces today and the glue won't stick And still I wonder why you can't stay.
Just can't stay...
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
11. It's Gonna Get Better
I got lost when I tried to speak My own tears drowned in my eyes. But I couldn't say what I was trying to feel. My hands were frozen by the spinning wheel.
When the headache is gone and all the hard days are shed, And then the last drop of rain falls Down upon your head;
It's gonna get better, It's gonna be good.
I found hate when I tried to love My own tears drowned in my eyes. My own heart couldn't handle love, My soul is broken and now I am lost.
When the headache is gone and all the hard days are shed, And then the last drop of rain falls Down upon your head;
It's gonna get better, It's gonna be good. It's gonna get better, Get in the mood.
Bridge: Can't believe it's gettin' better now, But I believe it needs time.
13. He Just Cries 27-11-2002
Endless sea hides the sun, his hands start to sweat on the heavy gun. Eyes rolling out of his head, eating up his heart with the dirty cat.
It's madness projecting evil, it feels like something's lacking. Waves beckoning, he wets his lips as he feels the trigger.
She grins and evil burns, and he just cries. As that gun gets slippery in his hand, and he just cries. Mother come now, what's your son doing, shooting at his shadow?
It's an unborn jump to desperation, no one could imagine, all the lies he has seen. Who's this cat he's got his face on?
--------------------------------
This song is an attempt to describe what drives a madman to kill. In his mind, the 'she' person is the cause of his problems, she drives him crazy. IOn the real world, he himself causes these problems. He decides to kill the 'she' person (his shadow), as an end to his problems; in the real world, he kills himself. Ironically speaking, his problems ARE indeed solved.
16. Time 27-06-2006
As I listen to these tracks, My mind wanders off and I start looking back, And it gets so hard not to think, Of what I have to lose and what it takes to win.
The ground is getting shaky While the fears are taking over Though my eyes see hope and gloryw And write the sequel of my story Looking for some meaning, trying to find a reason My teeth are grinding but my strength is slowly breaking.
Time, just slips away Time, there's no use for pray Time, like the winter grime Time, why is time?
The night is growing colder My eyes are freezing while I'm only growing older But I mustn't give up with this weight on my shoulders Cos' there are fragile souls that are longing to smile
So I swallow all the tears, that well up at what I'm seeing And feel nothing instead, like morphine on my heart, An anesthetic for the motor running in my head, that's fueled by the bad and operated by the good.
But I keep running in circles And I lose my mind To flee from the feelings that I left behind. And it's getting hard to see where I'm going Cause I think, ... I think I'm going blind.
(Instrumental)
Bridge: And I'm thinking, dreaming on; When all that's lost wasn't gone. I hope time doesn't kill my soul, Cause it's burning like a bullet hole.
(Chorus 2x)
18. Sleep walking (for MiMi) 28-08-2002
I can't go to sleep, Cause I'm afraid that I'll dream about you The nights are cold and long I need your arms, I wish you'd love me true.
Oh sleep walking, sleep walking in my dreams without you I'm sleep walking in longing for you Longing for your arms, holding me tight
I cannot dream at night, I haven't had these dreams no more You holding me tight is what I dream of Never dream anymore..
(Oh sleep walking,) Sleep walking feels so strange, so cold I cannot think about you without dreaming I cannot say your name without dreaming on..
Bridge: Why don't you think of me? Think of me as I ream of you Why don't you talk to me, or look me in the eye Say you're.. (chorus)
Sleep walking at night, Sleep walking in your dreams Think about me As you walk on..
Love Letters 13-02-2003
Flesh and bone, love and emotions. Our names written in stone, spell out 'devotion'.
I struggle and fight to express. Those poems that I'd sing silently. Playing in concert, soft and tender.
When you're lonely, When love is fading, When you're dreaming, But hope is fading, Write a love letter.
Bridge: Feeling lonely, oh so lonely.. Don't you see? And it's cold, so cold.. All I touch, all I eat, all I love. You're everywhere in me.
Sweet lovesong with a lonely sound. Oh I'm heavenbound. You're an angel, I can't be wrong.
Soldiers of Our Freedom 20-02-2006
Hush my little child, Soon you'll be free. From behind the window, Silence's all we hear.
Fotsteps, men with no name. Medals for the brave, but in flames and fire, they'll dig your grave.
If you open your eyes, There are no curtains to hide. Flowers never grow From bullets in the soil.
They'll break the windows and open the doors. They'll hide in the gunsmoke to cover their tears.
Soldiers of our freedom, Screaming till you're deaf. Prisoners of their dreams, Caged birds that silenced.
If you open your eyes, There are no curtains to hide. Flowers never grow From bullets in the soil.
They'll break the windows and open the doors. They'll hide in the gunsmoke and set us free.
The doors have opened, they'll take me far away. So I'll set us free, and hide in the gunsmoke.
And they'll say it's a crime... They'll say it's a crime. If only they were earlier, To save us from freedom.
And they'll say it's a crime, They'll say it's a crime.
Don't Let Me Drown (for Emma) 02-08-2006
Dressed in fears, Escape what dreams may come. You see sounds no-one hears Dry deserts in the future.
There is a summer, in the ideal of winter. With only one light, All I can be is your moon.
Don't let me drown, Cos' all I have is here and now. Step off that shipwreck, You're safe on my deck.
(Instrumental)
Dressed in fears, Escape what dreams may come.
There is a summer, In the ideal of winter.
Don't let me drown, Cos' all I have is here and now. Step off that shipwreck, You're safe on my deck.
If only these hands could hold you, And lead you to the shore.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
Maslow Inventory Results | Physiological Needs (34%) you appear to have everything you need to survive physically.
Safety Needs (50%) you appear to have an adequately secure environment.
Love Needs (50%) you appear to be semi-content with the quality of your social connections.
Esteem Needs (24%) you appear to have a high level of personal competence.
Self-Actualization (21%) you appear to have a low level of individual development.
|
Take Free Maslow Inventory Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comMOST: #1 Narcissistic 82% #2 Histrionic 78% #3 Paranoid 70% #4 Antisocial 66% LEAST: #1 Dependent 14% #2 Schizoid/Avoidant 38% #3 Schizotypical 46% #4 Borderline 58% #1 Narcissistic 82% Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships. #2 Histrionic 78% Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered. #3 Paranoid 70% Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening. #4 Antisocial 66% Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others. Cerebral Personality Test Results | 74% CerebralScoring highly suggests you are likely to be very inquisitive, exploring, scientific, contemplative, self-examining, and philosophical. Low scorers, will generally tend towards the opposite of the above. They will tend to be more conventional, less curious and analytical, less focused on the big picture / global variables, and more comfortable identifying as part of maintream culture.
|
Take Free Cerebral Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comFreudian Inventory Results | Oral (60%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.
Anal (56%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity.
Phallic (90%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity.
Latency (16%) you appear to be overly practical; don't undervalue abstract learning, abstract learning increases your ability to make good decisions (and predictions) in the real world so it would be 'impractical' to shun it.
Genital (63%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
|
Take Free Freudian Inventory Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com#1 Phallic (sexuality) 90% #2 Genital (productivity) 63% #1 Phallic (sexuality) 90% Phallic: you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity. #2 Genital (productivity) 63% Genital: you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention. Eysenck's Test Results | Extraversion (72%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Neuroticism (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Psychoticism (65%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense of the well being of others
|
Take Eysenck Personality Test (similar to EPQ-R)personality tests by similarminds.comCareer Inventory Test Results | Extroversion | |||||||||||||||||| | 60% | | Emotional Stability | ||||||||| | 26% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||||||||| | 60% | | Altruism | |||||||||||||||||| | 53% | | Inquisitiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 63% |
You are an Executive, possible professions include - program designer, attorney, administrator, office manager, chemical engineer, sales manager, logistics consultant, franchise owner, new business developer, personnel manager, investment banker, labor relations, management trainer, credit investigator, mortgage broker, corporate team trainer, environmental engineer, biomedical engineer, business consultant, educational consultant, personal financial planner, network integration specialist, media planner/buyer. |
|
Take Free Career Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comBig Five Test Results | Extroversion (80%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Accommodation (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately kind natured, trusting, and helpful while still maintaining your own interests.
Orderliness (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun.
Emotional Stability (44%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Inquisitiveness (68%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.
|
Take Free Big Five Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
My mother wants me to hate her so much I'll leave her.
She's playing all kinds of games that will make me feel like I'm dependent on her, and I'll lose.
Dumb slut. It's not about that.
I always win from my mum anyway; but I don't care about it. Wish she would just get her shit together. Fucking idiot.
Everybody's lying and stealing from me. They admire me literally. But they still act like love is a game. I never got that. Fuck them. I'll just hide until it's over, right?
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
and guess what
i did tell my mum fuck you, and alotta other things, yesterday.
i think she should just accept it and shut the fuck up about it, but when i get downstairs i know shes gonna take it out on me.
fuck man.
and my pills are downstairs so eventually i have to go there :P
fuck fuck fuck
wish i were somewhere else *whistles*
oh and i dreamed about me taking a bite out of michelle's wrist, like akasha and lestat.
i also dreamed about the moon, it was fucking huge man; it was nighttime but the moon reflected light and i started talking about it. then i looked to the right and i saw the earth, as huge as the moon; it was reflecting the light from the sun towards the moon, and the moon gave the final reflection, making a beautiful play of light.
but how could i see the earth when i was standing on it?
by the way in the dream it focused for some time on the earth, showing that the light reflection was from california, us.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
fgfgfgf
LOOK AT MY NEW SHIT!!!!
It's a gift from Herman & Michelle :))) A 21" LCD Screen :D:D:D
And my bear Angie with a 'Gibbs-hat':
My mom is being slow with fixing the washing machine, and im running out of clothes man
And towels :| And I really really need to shower cos its 25C and i sweat like a motherfucker :'(
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
 |
|
okay so
i downloaded the full discography of george michael and i really really like it.
so combined with my collection of elton john music, full discography, how gay can you possibly get? lol harhar
anywhoo
i had a nightmare
i NEVER have nightmares but this one was a nightmare; my worst fear coming true.
MY MUSIC GOT STOLEN
i had a demo tape (a cassette) that I played in Singelzicht, and i looked away for a second and this kid took it.
so i grabbed the cassette
i dont know why i didnt just run out with the cassette cos it was in my hand, but i ASKED if i could have it (dreams are stupid, in real life i would never have asked this man, JESUS:|)
but
the dream was in control
and i couldnt have it
and its kinda symbolic - i mean, say somebody steals your music and credits it as his own, and you tell the people to tell the fuckers the truth, and they refuse, its kind of hard on you. so that was displayed in the dream i guess, moreso than my own stupidness.
i got really angry in the dream saying 'THIS IS MY FUCKING MUSIC, I WORKED ON THIS FOR FUCKING 8 YEARS YOU FUCKERS'
and then i got glass eyed
'you can do anything to me... but my music man *shakes head*' and i just left
its true
they can hit me, rob me, accuse me, take everything i have, insult me, humiliate me, reject me, abuse me, whatever
but if they touch my MUSIC
thats AHHH. my music is the only thing really sacred to me.
i woke up and was SO GLAD it was just a dream :|
im still anxious.
im getting to grips with my 8ness; i mean, people don't generally accept an 8, especially when it's a more introverted, intellectual one like Gibbs is.
I'm either very to myself, or very energetic and attention-drawing-wanting-to-party, and all my problems revolve around not knowing when to stop, doing things to excess, living too intensely and stuff. being too crazy.
and not being nice and often too aggressive; i have too much energy. periods of time i try to be non aggressive but it just doesnt happen. eventually i crack. and i hate myself.
i mean. ive never been into hitting someone in the head really hard and dumb (i mean, i LIKE hitting my girlfriend every now and then, in a really playful and teasing way ;) not hard or anything... just playing, but violence as a means is stupid, i NEVER fight. well there was that time i picked up a hammer and gone after my housemate who stole something from me hehe. but that was reckless man, i hated myself for it.), but my attitude is a very aggressive one; i decide something and stick to it, and if i deviate i get angry at myself. i fight.
but. there are worse problems man, i kinda realized this morning. :) i mean. people generally tend to respect me. and thats ok.
IM GOIN TO THE UK TO VISIT WLAAD. YAY. :D in august :)
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2009-06-15 13:40 |
| Confession |
| Public |
| Phil Collins - No Way Out |
|
ok i always talk tough, i act rough, and i cannot cry. never ever ever.
if i do it, its mechanical and acted.
but
2 people in the whole world make me cry.
Angelina Jolie, because she's so beautiful :'(, and Shehd because.... just because :'(
Shehd called me today and we spoke on the phone so comfortable and easily, I was so happy to hear from her.
I realized that... I'm just happy that she's my friend, even though we are not together as um... more than friends.
All my exes hate me and never talk to me again, you know; and Shehd... just loves me anyway. :-)
oh and emily commented to my entries 4 times *dances around with flowers in his hands*
----------
fuck man
i just got the email
Wlaad is NOT coming in JULY. fuck, fuck, and fuck again.
i hate that.
he has to see his parents, cos he hasnt seen them in 3 years, and so there is no money for a trip to amsterdam to see me.... i understand but i was really looking forward to it; kinda like a vacation where you 'get away from it all' and just relax in a place thats cool, like a'dam.
fuck man. ill save up and go to england instead. fuck it.
2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
i dreamed about buying a retour plane ticket to America, because I was going to visit Emily for a Saturday evening.
Way cool :D
Oh I miss my friends :(
1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
http://www.ptypes.com/temperament_test.html
| Temperament | Score |
|---|
| Idealist | 10 | | Rationalist | 14 | | Traditionalist | 3 | | Hedonist | 3 |
Your temperament type is Rationalist. http://www.ptypes.com/rationalist.htmlThe Rationalist (choleric) Temperament The Anesthetic Idealized Image "Rationals pride themselves on being ingenious, independent, and strong willed" (AdvisorTeam.com). Motivations
The Rationalist type prefers power and disprefers weakness. The Rationalist prefers:
- Power.
- Control.
- Status.
- Recognition.
- Science.
- Authoritativeness.
- Eloquence.
- Energy.
- Governance.
- Greatness.
- Influence.
- Means.
- Personage.
- Potency.
- Prerogative.
- Privilege.
- Strength.
- Supremacy.
- Talent.
- Will power.
David Keirsey reconfigured the typology created by Isabel Briggs Myers to a scheme of four groups of four types that corresponds to the classic four temperaments. In Please Understand Me (1984), he defined one group as the Rational temperament, which I call the Rationalist:
Rationalists want to understand and gain power over nature, to understand, control, predict, and explain realities, to be seen as competent, to have, most of all, competencies, capabilities, abilities, capacities, skills, and ingenuity, to be able to do things well under varying circumstances, to constantly improve, to be free from errors, to increase their store of knowledge, to learn as much as they can, to rearrange the environment, either through constructing physical edifices or building institutional systems, to speculate about the possible motivations and thoughts of those they are with, trying to fit their experiences into some system (Keirsey, 1984, pp. 47-57; cf., Heineman (NT)).
The pathological representation of the Rationalist temperament type is the Anesthetic Personality.
Areas of interest Many of these additional topics originated in ideas expressed by David Keirsey in Please Understand Me and Please Understand Me II. abstract art, abstract thinking, acquiring intelligence, acquisition of knowledge, acquisition of skill, all-work-no-play, alternate lifestyles, aphorisms, authoritativeness, autonomy, behaviorism, biologists, books, bringer of fire, building institutional systems, building systems, calmness, cardiology, categories, causality, circular causality, circular processes, clarity of vision, coherence, collecting information, compact communication, competence, competencies, competency, complex systems, complicated subjects, comprehension, compulsion to improve, constructing edifices, control, controlling, criminology, critical experimentation, curiosity, cybernetics, More....
Weblogs
Attributes* Positive attributes: action-oriented, adventurous, ambitious, analyzing, assertive, autocratic, autonomous, bold, calm, capable, chief, collected, competent, competitive, conceptual, confident, cool, courageous, daring, decisive, demanding, determined, direct, dominant, driver, efficient, forceful, generative, global, identifier, independent, ingenious, inventive, leader, logical, mover, objective, opinionated, outspoken, persuasive, positive, powerful, pragmatic, proactive, productive, progressive, resourceful, responsible, results-oriented, ruler, self-assured, self-directed, self-reliant, serene, skilled, strong-willed, succinct, sure, task-oriented, tenacious, tranquil. Negative attributes: aggressive, always right, angry, argumentative, arrogant, bossy, calculating, cold, crafty, critical of others, demanding, distracted, dominating, domineering, doubting, frank, harsh, headstrong, impatient, impulsive, insensitive, intolerant, lord over others, manipulative, merciless, nervy, power-oriented, preoccupied, proud, pushy, rash, resistant, sadistic, self-serving, severe, short-tempered, skeptical, solipsistic, stubborn, tactless, tough, tyrannical, unaffectionate, unsympathetic, workaholic. |
Noteworthy Examples Bella Abzug, Muhammad Ali, Idi Amin, Hannah Arendt, "Arthur Fonzerelli," Isaac Asimov, Charles Baudelaire, Bruno Bettelheim, Napoleon Bonaparte, Leonid Brezhnev, Julius Caesar, Al Capone, Truman Capote, Jimmy Carter, Carlos Castaneda, Fidel Castro, Dick Cavett, Elvis Costello, Tom Cruise, Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Darwin, Bette Davis, Rene Descartes, Helene Deutsch, "Don Vito Corleone," Michael Douglas, Albert Einstein, Erik Erikson, M. C. Escher, Hans Eysenck, William Faulkner, Bobbie Fischer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Michael J. Fox, Sigmund Freud, Betty Friedan, Indira Gandhi, Bill Gates, Charles de Gaulle, Richard Gere, Mikhail Gorbachev, Glenn Gould, Andrew S. Grove, George Gurdjieff, "Harry Potter," Stephen Hawking, Alfred Hitchcock, Saddam Hussein, John Huston, Lee Iacocca, "Jay Gatsby," Julian Jaynes, Lyndon Johnson, Jim Jones, James Joyce, Theodore Kaczynski, Franz Kafka, George A. Kelly, Martin Luther King Jr., Stephen King, Henry Kissinger, Kurt Kobain, Stanley Kubrick, k. d. lang, John Lennon, Doris Lessing, Courtney Love, David Lynch, Douglas MacArthur, James Madison, Madonna, Norman Mailer, Mao Zedong, Ferdinand Marcos, Christopher Marlowe, Karl Marx, W. Somerset Maugham, Golda Meir, Iris Murdoch, Isaac Newton, Friedrich Nietzsche, Georgia O'Keefe, Aristotle Onassis, Cynthia Ozick, H. Ross Perot, Pablo Picasso, Edgar Allan Poe, Ezra Pound, Mario Puzo, Muammar Qaddafi, Dan Quayle, Ayn Rand, J.K. Rowling, Jean Paul Sartre, Percy Bysshe Shelley, Frank Sinatra, B. F. Skinner, Mickey Spillane, Baruch Spinoza, Joseph Stalin, Sting, Meryl Streep, Barbara Streisand, "Tom Sawyer," Harry S. Truman, Mark Twain, Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Andy Warhol, James Watson, Simone Weil, Edward O. Wilson, Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tom Wolfe. Index of noteworthy examples | Types Keirsey, David, and Marilyn Bates (1984). Please understand me: character and temperament types. 4th ed. Del Mar, CA: Prometheus Nemesis [distributer].
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2009-06-07 22:11 |
| (no subject) |
| Public |
| Huizen |
 contemplative |
| Elton John - To Kill Your Kind (Lestat) |
|
some random thoughts on love was just thinking about love, real love, and my narcissistic streak im always analyzing; how did i get there, how did i arrive at the actions taken? i dunnos. im very paranoid and rational, and its always hard to judge. but i think i got the message from people growing up that most people around me didnt have the intensity and depth i have inside, but moreso that these people were somehow different cos i couldnt understand them and why they did what they did, but they responded in a way that said 'we cannot understand how you feel because we dont experience the same things, ' and because of the excessive violent manners and lack of any order or regularity in emotional judgements (its always hard to judge), i eventually got cold and felt most people only responded to physical things, and they would never see who i was inside. they just could never understand.
and the people were gonna fuck-me-up man -- so you have to be in control of your shit. beware... the MACHINE people are coming :O :) interesting!
1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
| You Believe that Love is Commitment |  When you think of love, you think of two people devoted to each other for the rest of their lives.
In love, you see things how they could be. You are wrapped up in your own dreams.
If you are in love, you want the whole world to know it. You don't hold back with letting people know.
You are patient in love. You are willing to wait for the right person and the right time. | | You Are Vitamin A |  You see the world vividly. You are a very visual person, and you pay special attention to colors.
And while you appreciate a sunny, beautiful day - you also like the subtle visuals of night.
You are youthful both in appearance and spirit. You are likely healthier than average.
You shine brightly and are best in small doses. Too much of your company can be overwhelming and even dangerous. |
What Vitamin Are You?| You Are Exceedingly Passionate |  You tend to be a very social person. You live for your friends and family. You can get social burnout occasionally though. You aren't a total extrovert.
You fall in love with ease and confidence. Even if you've had bad experiences in the past, each new love is a reason to start completely over.
You are an amazingly passionate person. You are passionate about almost everything, and your passion definitely gets you in trouble!
Your sense of humor is intellectual and obscure. Only really well educated people get your jokes. |
The Beach Test(im more passionate than emily *dances around victoriously*) | Your Heart Takes Love Lightly |  You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered. |
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?| You Are Trusting In Love |  You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.
In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish.
You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. |
How Are You In Love?I'm not selfish in love! | It's Difficult For You to Fall in Love |  Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.
You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.
It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off.
In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.
Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go. |
1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
|
okay so I bought the whole entire fucking internet and everything thats on it because im BOOOOORED out of my board
I bought alotta books and alotta cd's and alotta DVD's - in 2 weeks I received 27 dvd's lol, and I watched em all too.
I'm so fucking bored with my meaningless, on-the-welfare-because-im-supposedly-sick-and-they-wont-let-me-have-a-life, no-sex-or-love, life.
URGH!
well at least im getting paid for being used like filth everyday by people. :O
uhm, anyway.
im disgusted by everything and im tired of waiting.
and im drinking too much lately.
i get bored, then i get a beer, but then i want more and more and more and much more.
but i have an excuse for being so childish and irresponsible and ugly -- im making REAL progress on my psychology book -- im in chapter 2 now, almost finished!!!
chapter 3 is the final chapter you know :)
im so proud of myself i could just dance
this week i saw angelina jolie's Gia again, then I got inspired and watched more stuff of her on the internet, and .... kind of awkward about it but her beauty made me cry *blush*
she's so.... i mean she has the same obsession as i do with doing "the right thing", i thought no one had that. shes like my muse now
i wanna disappear in someones arms
but im tired of all the girls that are just little girls to me and cant understand me
*sigh*
yesterday i had a really bad day cos i got paranoid and everybody was using me and wanted to possess me, in my head
i really hate myself when im like that -- i see myself as an ugly old fart who gets drunk and then spills his guts to everyone that comes along, not the cheery, confident guy that inspires people to be strong.
i dunno i guess im just bitter and lonely.
everybody's got something to hide, and that turns me off
i read and read and read and read people until there comes a time where i feel... lied to, used, manipulated
and i just.... my ' aughghgh ' turns into 'get the FUCK out, get the FUCK out' and i just feel disillusioned
:|
its horrible, hideous
then i think nobody wants me, and the thought that comes ruling over this is 'they want you to believe that, to make you give everything and receive nothing, dont believe them', and then im all fucked up
fuck
fck
fuck
sometimes i just want to sleep in somebody's arms, but no one's ever good enough.
i hate rejecting, but i reject the whole entire goddamn world, cos no one offers me the peace im looking for
i guess im lookng for true love, the one
not sex, love
and i end up dreaming about someone that does not exist, listening to songs that scream out 'you were just playing, you were just using me' and i feel like a whore
if only it could end
yhesterday i drank whiskey with cola (i cant drink this where i live, but im sleeping over at my sis' now), and i longed so much for a line of coke, but i didnt do one....
im such an addict and a whore and so ugly sometimes
SODFHSOIDJOIEJGOIEWJOIWEJFOIWJEOIFJEWOIJSFAKJSDLJKWOERIJWOEIF(O
im so hideous
i crave drugs
but i dont *want* them
fuck
FUCK
i want to sleep forever
and i only want to wake up, when my perfect lover's there
Elton John - Victim of Love
(Album: Victim of Love) You said you'd never fake it
You swore we'd always make it last
And it sounded so real
And I fell into your love trap
Lying, yes, I was the perfect fool
I believed every word
And it never occurred to me
Is this a game are you just playing
Will I be losing you Oh am I a victim of love, victim of love
Did you take me for a ride
Victim of love, victim of love
Then I hope you're satisfied
Victim of love, victim of love
Were you only using me
Victim of love, victim of love
What a fool you made of me My friends warned me about you
I laughed, how could I doubt your love
Then I saw you with him
And my world crumbled around me
I felt life slip away from me
There's a void inside me
Where my heart used to be .
So now, this was a game you were just playing
And now I'm losing you Oh I'm a victim of love, victim of love
Well you took me for a ride
Victim of love, victim of love
Well I hope you're satisfied
Victim of love, victim of love
You were only using me
Victim of love, victim of love
What a fool you've made of me
2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
|
I'm living with my mum in Huizen, and she's really respectful to me.
It just reminds me again of the impossible relationship we have.
How I feel about it is this.
She's an introvert, but more extroverted when it comes to feelings and affections; and I just came from hell, so I'm pretty crippled, so crippled that I'm having problems knowing how I feel about situations, and feeling emotions connected to people...
I'm warming up, but the tone is set between me and my mum.
I'm the distant one, like I always am.
She does alot of stuff for me, appreciates me, takes effort in making me feel like a million dollars, and basically loves me to death.
And I can't handle the emotional turmoil because I myself am more introverted, emotionally.
It's hard for me to show even the slightest form of affection or to say "I love you" -- and just that is her oxygen, like my oxygen is ... oh well, you know.
I'd like to be able to connect to her but I really can't; and so I hurt her by pushing her away, receiving love but giving back nothing, except hatred and scarcely an 'I love you' in a really mechanical way.
But inside...
So we have this kind of chemistry going on, and it's making me retreat further and further, wanting to keep my precious emotional equilibrium.
My actions say I don't love you as much as you deserve, but inside... inside I really do.
The pain of this is: there is not a single way that we could ever truely feel connected to each other in a harmonic way.
Cos I'm the aggressive one, and my ways hurt her.
We can never be really close.
Story of my life. :/
I wish I could be nice and gentle towards people, but I really can't; I'm not built that way :(
When I listen to Phil Collins' 'Come With Me', then that's me, you know?
Whenever I feel down or depressed I think about the daughter I'll have later in life, and that that's worth fighting for... it's what I deeply want.
And the bitter irony of it is this: I always fall for the openly fragile types that I end up rejecting and hurting.
1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
I've done nothing substantial for the past 2-3 years, except for surviving, and like always I feel a very strong desire to work, be useful, active and strong; I fear becoming one of those deaf-mutes - the passive people. They destroy the world, you know.
They don't care anymore, they don't decide anymore. It happens very gradually, but you slip into this passive state of being where all that matters is your precious safety and peace.
If I'm not the leader of my life, I can't be proud of myself, it's as simple as that.
But I can't work now cos I'm still recovering from the disease.
I wrote 2 songs yesterday though, and the expenses lists are finally done. So much for producing.
I spent 225,- at BOL.com. Little mad at myself, but thank god they are useful investments that I can use for my products later on.
I'm having a beer, bye now :P
2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
Wlaad is coming to Amsterdam, July 2009. God I miss that guy man :D
I want him to stay for ever and ever; but I'm just... what if he's mimi in a different body?
*sigh*
Translation: what if he's lying about who he is?
I trust him, but it's my nature to do this.... and I hate it, not knowing.
RGGGG!
Anyway.
I got new DVDs - most importantly, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (2001) by Elton John - wonderful :-D
<HR>
Elton John - Victim of Love
(Album: Victim of Love) You said you'd never fake it
You swore we'd always make it last
And it sounded so real
And I fell into your love trap
Lying, yes, I was the perfect fool
I believed every word
And it never occurred to me
Is this a game are you just playing
Will I be losing you Oh am I a victim of love, victim of love
Did you take me for a ride
Victim of love, victim of love
Then I hope you're satisfied
Victim of love, victim of love
Were you only using me
Victim of love, victim of love
What a fool you made of me My friends warned me about you
I laughed, how could I doubt your love
Then I saw you with him
And my world crumbled around me
I felt life slip away from me
There's a void inside me
Where my heart used to be
So now, this was a game you were just playing
And now I'm losing you Oh I'm a victim of love, victim of love
Well you took me for a ride
Victim of love, victim of love
Well I hope you're satisfied
Victim of love, victim of love
You were only using me
Victim of love, victim of love
What a fool you've made of me
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
calm
giddy
bored
cold
pensive
nervous